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October 27, 2005

The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week Nine

The Telepathic Tabernacle nearly caught the skunk by the tail in the Straight Up Division last week but Stanford stood up to those big bullies from Arizona State. The Trees reared their big branches and said enough is enough, then proceeded to bend back Sparky's fork and toss a salad with him and the rest of the Sun Satans. The TeleTab has to admit that was a surprise, after all, we expected better table manners from our nation's budding cultural elite. But it was the only surprise as everything else came through as predicted with the only real drama provided by California, who appeared on their way to a loss until the Cougars - for a school record fourth time in a row - snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. USC toyed with the Hussies - allowing no offensive touchdowns in the second half - and would have cleared the spread if they had not taken out starting quarterback Matt Leinart. UCLA had the big game home performance that the Tab expected and Oregon staved off an Arizona upset bid despite losing their starting quarterback, Kellen Clemens, for the season - which cost the Tab our Gem of the Week.

This week's marquee match-up is between the Trojans and the Cougars - pitting two prolific offenses against two troubled defenses. The only difference in the teams is that USC is undefeated in the conference and number one in the nation while the Cougars are unranked and winless in the conference. A minor technicality. The boys of Troy have not covered a spread since their third game of the season which, coincidentally enough, was the last time the Cougars won a game. Weirdorama. That can only mean one thing - Gem of the Week! The Cougars have not had any problems scoring points and the Trojans have not had any problem allowing points to be scored upon them, so a 30-point spread looks awfully tasty and the Tab is mighty hungry.

The Beavers are salivating about the prospect of getting their hands on a freshman quarterback playing his first game on the road, the Bruins might get some pine needles in their nostrils and the Sun Satans either beat Washington senseless or suffer the wrath of Koetter Khan. This week's loquacious lumps of lackadaisical lewdness….



STRAIGHT UP


USC over WSU

Oregon State over Arizona

UCLA over Stanford

Arizona State over Washington



Last Week: 4-1

Overall: 38-12



AGAINST THE SPREAD


WSU [+30.5] over USC

OSU [-7.5] over Arizona

Stanford [+8] over UCLA

ASU [-16] over Washington



Last Week: 2-3

Overall: 30-19-1



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